If you want to understand human psychology, let me first tell you that it is extremely deep. It cannot be understood in one or two days, or even in weeks. Sometimes, it takes months or even years to truly understand a person.
A simple example can explain this: Two people like each other, then enter into a relationship. In the beginning, they enjoy endless chatting and long conversations on messages. At that stage, they only see each other’s positive qualities. Every morning begins with a “Good morning” text and every night ends with a “Good night” message. Everything feels colorful, exciting, and full of happiness. Eventually, they commit officially and get married.
Now, after marriage, although they still talk, laugh, and spend time together, the situation changes because they are living 24/7 under one roof. This closeness brings a new reality. Before marriage, they believed they knew each other completely because they had strong emotions, feelings, and compatibility. But the truth is, no matter how long a relationship has been, even five or six years, you can never fully know a person until you share daily life with them.
Over time, you begin to notice what upsets your partner, what makes them happy, and even small details about their moods. Often, conflicts happen, and people say things like: “You were not like this before marriage!” But in reality, many of these traits were already there you just notice them only when you spend real time together. Of course, people’s personalities also grow and change with time, but the basic temperament usually remains the same.
Living together also means facing your partner’s anger, mood swings, or stress more closely. It doesn’t mean you should ignore or tolerate everything silently. Instead, it means you should give time, understand patterns, and correct each other with wisdom and the right timing. Quality time is what matters most. Simply being in the same room is not enough; sharing thoughts, discussing daily struggles, and supporting each other gives relief and strengthens the bond.
Research even suggests that just 12 minutes of meaningful conversation daily with your partner or a close friend can provide significant emotional relief. After all, who can be a better friend than your life partner?
And here lies an important life strategy,
“A book named ‘Life Strategy’ whose author is Dr. Phillip C McGraw , the author describes a strategy like this,
We teach people how to treat us. When you live closely with someone, you are constantly sending signals about what you accept and what you don’t. If you quietly tolerate disrespect or anger, you’re teaching your partner that this behavior is acceptable. But if you respond calmly, set healthy boundaries, and appreciate good behavior, you’re teaching them how you expect to be treated. In simple words, the way we respond to others slowly trains them in how to deal with us—whether with love, care, or neglect.
Conclusion
In the end, relationships are not just about love, attraction, or compatibility in the beginning—they are about patience, time, understanding, and communication in the long run. Human psychology is deep, and understanding someone requires continuous effort. The more time you spend together with honesty and empathy, the stronger your bond becomes. And as this strategy reminds us, relationships are a two-way learning process: while we are busy understanding our partner, we are also teaching them through our own reactions how to understand and value us. Love is not only about beautiful moments but also about learning, adapting, and growing with each other every single day.
By;
Nazia Ali
Clinical Psychologist
Willing ways (Nazimabad)
